Hard as a Diamond Cutter

You know, apologies to Vincent Courtney should he ever decide to google his book and find this. But I really need to share with all of you some of the best/worst quotes from Vampire Beat in case you do not have the opportunity to experience the full wonder.

“[His] voice burned…straight into Christopher Blaze, whose testicles made a beeline to the safety of his stomach”

You’re welcome for that image.

“Legendre was broadcasting to him straight from h…e…double fucking toothpicks”

If you go to trouble of censoring the word “hell” it seems silly to follow it with the f-bomb.

“Tony took to his assignment like Jaws to a surf filled with porkers from an Overeaters Anonymous beach party.”

Not gonna touch this one.

“She was by far the best-looking woman to whom he had slipped the salami”

…Ew.

“I hadda bad dweam a bad man was gonna getcha. I doan wanna bad man to getcha, Daddy”

Whenever an author writes every child as having an oh so cute lisp, I find a baby and I punch it. Haha, just kidding. I actually punch kittens.

“His cock was as hard as a diamond cutter when he freed it from his boxer shorts”

This is the same guy who slipped the salami earlier.

…Ow.

“His member stood erect, flooded with passion”

No, no Chris Blaze. That’s blood.

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3 Responses to “Hard as a Diamond Cutter”


  1. 1 Tori August 19, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    These quotes are pure effing gold.

    PURE EFFING GOLD STUDDED WITH ROCK HARD DIAMONDS…

    AND SALAMI.

    (Thank you so much for sharing these, Ally. Ilu. <3)

  2. 2 Jessica September 20, 2010 at 1:27 am

    D:
    …..
    😀
    …..
    D:D:D:D:D:

    EW EW EW EW. The worst by far is the salami comment. Salami is all greasy and gross. Who wants that in their bajingo? Seriously.

  3. 3 cats pictures June 27, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    It’s in fact very difficult in this busy life to listen news on TV, therefore I
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